Well-Meaning Parents Often Fail to Teach Vital Values, Author Says

Parents and educators are always trying to spark student participation whether it’s in the classroom, in the local community, or throughout the world.

When middle-school students at Allison Academy in North Miami Beach were asked what they could do to improve their country, they focused on what they understood – bullying, violence and racism.

Those problems are all rooted in the same issues, says Rachel Albert, author of “Quest to Telos,”, a young adult novel where fantasy meets reality and even world peace is possible.

“They stem from a lack of personal integrity and absence of social responsibility,” she says.

“Children who choose to put those values into practice are actively working toward peace. But they can only put into practice what they’ve learned; instilling those values may seem simple, but many parents miss the mark and actually model the opposite.”

Throwing money at social problems like racism or violence doesn’t resolve them, Albert says. But children can.

“The energy from kids’ excitement can make a real difference and we need their energy focused right here at home,” says the mother of four. “They see problems; it’s up to us to give them the tools to address them.”

The following tips can help parents teach their children personal integrity and social responsibility, giving them the keys to world peace.

• Never lie in front of your kids. It may seem obvious, but many parents lie in front of their children or encourage them to lie; misstating a child’s age to save money on movie tickets or allowing them to take credit for school projects completed by the parent.  These seemingly inconsequential lies suggest it’s OK, even good, to distort the truth. This causes long-term damage a million times more costly than whatever was gained in the short term.

• Give your kids a reason why. Author Mark Twain once said that the two most important days of your life are the day you are born and the day you figure out why.  If you fail to tell your kids why we are here, you have missed the opportunity to
figure out what motivates them and gets them excited. This is the most important key to getting kids’ cooperation and empowering them to help the world.

• Don’t criticize your children. Criticism is toxic, so why do almost all parents criticize their kids?  When we focus on what they aren’t, they believe they can’t. This creates angry children who express their pain by bullying others.  It’s better to tell them how you feel rather than what you think of them, e.g., “I feel frustrated that you didn’t listen to me,” or “Can you say that in a more loving way?”

• Don’t speak badly about other people. This is probably one of the hardest things to do, considering we’re a generation that pays for gossip.  Speaking badly about others teaches kids to look for what they view as the negative in others and take joy in sharing it.

• Model charity. Actions speak louder than any words. When you teach kindness to children, they tend to feel empathy and have more successful lives, a crucial step toward achieving world peace.

Once we tackle the issues plaguing America, then as a model nation, we will be ready to tackle world peace, Albert says. Kids are hungry to form an identity and make their mark on the world. It’s easier to try to bring peace to another country, but that never works. We need to start at home.

About Rachel Albert

Rachel Albert is a certified court reporter and business owner. “Quest to Telos” is her debut novel; it’s being used by a private school to develop an inspirational, critical-thinking curriculum for middle-school students ready by the summer. Albert is currently working on a sequel. She is a staunch advocate of boosting teen literacy while inspiring kids to make a difference starting with their own hearts.

Time and time again you hear about moms being humiliated in public when they are simply trying to feed their child. It’s amazing that this still happens when you consider the facts about Breastfeeding:

* The World Health Organization recommends that Breastfeeding should be on demand and start wthin hours of baby’s birth.

* The World Health Organization recommends that bottles and binkies be avoid if at all possible.

* The World Health Organization recommends that breastfeeding should be exclusive for at least six months of life and up to and beyond two years.

* Doctors agree that in most cases, even in countries with starving populations that breast milk is the very best food for infants and babies.

* Doctors agree that Breastfeeding provides important immunity to your child and that it can offer lifelong protection to your child for things like type 2 diabetes, high cholesterol, obesity, and even makes your child smarter!

Even if these things don’t impress you, the fact is, breastfeeding saves a lot of money and is better for the environment. Less container waste, and of course, it’s free. Financially, you can’t ask for a better deal. Face it, many of the things you do to create a more natural environment for your family costs extra money, but breastfeeding doesn’t!

But, the problems you may experience from the attitudes of society may interfere with the joy and pride you take in doing good things for your family. You may find it difficult to breastfeeding in public. But there are ways to breastfeed in public that won’t embarrass you, and ways you can respond to people who are uneducated.

1. Wear a shirt without buttons, if you just lift it up the baby will cover your body more than when you unbutton a shirt. Many babies can breastfeed comfortably in a sling if you wear a shirt that lifts up.

2. Keep breastfeeding literature with you and give it to anyone who complains.

3. Don’t let others tell you what is right and wrong for you and your child. Stand up for yourself and others who may be too shy to do it for themselves.

4. In most states breastfeeding is a legally protected right.

5. “Forgetaboutit!” Hey, if you just breastfeed without worrying and ignore the comments, if any should come, and “just do it” as they say, you’ll find that most people don’t even notice.

6. Practice makes perfect! Believe it or not, the more you do it, the easier it will get and the less you will care one bit what others say!

7. Laugh! You know, sometimes things happen. You may accidentally expose yourself. It does happen. Sometimes a nosey busybody will make a comment, better to just laugh it off. The fact is, this is what breasts are made for, and the over-sexualization of women’s bodies is a relatively new phenomenon and if boobs out-to-here, are okay for movie posters, your breastfeeding your baby in public isn’t scandalous.

Shop Online

There is absolutely no time to walk around a store, chase kids around a store, or shop without kids. The revolution of online shopping is a huge plus for a parent at any stage. Everything from groceries and household goods to birthday gifts and even big ticket items are available faster, easier, and often cheaper online. Expecting parents can save time and money ordering baby items and even furniture such as Cribs from Wayfair.com. The key is to find coupon codes and look for free shipping.

Use Organization Tools

But be careful not to go overboard. The calendar on Outlook is great, as is the Google calendar. Mint.com is great for keeping finances in check, and there are numerous paper planners and planning apps for mobile devices. Pick a couple that work best for you and use them well. Get too many going at once and you are likely to end up confused.

Combine Playtime with Work Time

Not to say this should be the only way you spend time with your kids, but busy people have messy homes, and busy kids rarely have time to help busy parents clean it. And who wants to clean when you haven’t had family time in an eternity? Pump up the volume with some fun music and set at timer to see who can clean their designated area the fastest. Then celebrate with a fun treat when it is all done.

Cook Ahead

There is no time for healthy food, but fast food cannot always be the answer. When there is a smidgen of down time, use it wisely. Put together meals that can be frozen, thawed, and eaten on nights when there is little time. Plan for those times when meals must be eaten on the run or at the field with bottles of water, a supply of lunch meat, tortillas, and other things needed for wraps. Though prepackaged can be costly, keep a few single size bags of pretzels, apple slices, and string cheese on hand so you can throw together something healthy in a hurry.

These will not solve all your problems, but with some juggling and creativity, they can make a busy lifestyle more fun and manageable.

Being an attachment parent can begin even before your baby is born. Mostly this is done by educating yourself  and preparing for the birth of your little bundle but for specific ideas look to the list below for some ideas.

1. Natural Childbirth – The more alert you and baby are the easier it will be to start bonding and learning the art of breastfeeding.

2. Consider Water Birth or Home birth – Proponents of water births believe this is one of the most peaceful entrances to the world that can be had by a baby. It is easier on mom if she can soak and relax and the environment is less of a shock to baby since they are immersed in water during pregnancy. Home births mean that doctors and nurses are not trying to whisk your baby away for shots and other interventions.

2. Breastfeed – The bond between a mom and her suckling baby is tremendous and special. You do not want to miss even a moment of it or shortchange it either. Make preparations to breastfeed for an extended period of time.

3. Eat Healthy and Stay Active – Make a conscious effort to eat the best foods for you and baby. Also make sure to get plenty of exercise. Eating nourishing foods puts less stress on your pregnant body and staying active will help you have a healthy birth.

4. Interventions After Birth – Don’t let bonding be interrupted by needless interventions… circumcision, vaccines, trips to the nursery, etc. In fact, make it clear that baby is to be kept at your side at all times and “handled” by medical staff very little.

5. Invest in a Sling – Plan to wear your baby in a sling or wrap. Before baby arrives is the perfect time to read reviews and find out which sling sounds like the best fit for you. if you have any friends who practice babywearing ask if you can try on some of theirs so you can get a real life feel for them.

6. Forget the Crib – Cosleeping is much easier on mom and baby and it makes it a million times easier to bond. Figure out the sleeping situation before baby arrives by adding a twin bed next to your own if need be, making sure baby cannot fall out or get wedged against a wall, or getting a co-sleeper bed.

7. Get Help – Ask friends and family to help out with household duties like cleaning and cooking so that you can enjoy your time with your new baby.

8. Educate Yourself About Developmental Stages – Be prepared with this info and you won’t have to needlessly stress.. you can just enjoy that little bundle and savor every moment. This is process you will continue for your life as a parent.

The book It’s Your Kid – Not a Gerbil is all about creating a less stressed, happier life. It battles the very idea that busy hands are happy hands and gives us some insight into why we might want to slow down and schedule less. Much of that is prioritizing and choosing activities wisely and it is also about making sure the home environment is a place the entire family wants to be, so they won’t feel the need to find stimulation elsewhere.

One aspect of the book that I loved was that it addresses the idea that our kids become the center of the universe as far as we or they are concerned. All of the effort we put into making sure they have all these opportunities and experiences is actually more likely to result in a selfish child who takes and takes, rather than gives. Not only can the over scheduling phenomena be exhausting for all involved it can be harmful for their future. Sooner or later they WILL be slapped with the reality that they are not the center of the universe. By that time it may mean they can’t hold a job or be a good spouse.

Another issue is that all the activities kids are involved with can be a source of pride for the parents. Retraining for all family members may be in order. Being so invested in your kids means you have lost a part of yourself and are living through them, which is not good for anyone.

If you need to slow down and get off the wheel I recommend this book. It is all about creating a happier family life, happier kids, and a less stressed mom and dad.

Even Dr. Sears agrees:

Who is behind this new national campaign to warn parents not to sleep with their babies? In addition to the USCPSC, the Juvenile Products Manufacturers Association (JPMA) is co-sponsoring this campaign. The JPMA? An association of crib manufacturers. This is a huge conflict of interest. Actually, this campaign is exactly in the interest of the JPMA.

We have seen these same tactics within the car seat industry for YEARS. Few people actually know studies have proven that past 2 years of age car seats provide no better protection from death in an auto accident than regular old seat belts. But no one makes money when you use the manufacturer seat belt so they skew studies and harp on one stat among many, so that they can get laws passed that require car seats and pad industry pockets. This Milwaukee campaign is no different. They are using a city government to spread their message… “Co-sleeping kills, buy a crib.”

Don’t fall for it and don’t let them get away with it. We need to be vocal about all the ways to make co-sleeping safer and of course be honest that it is not attached, attentive parents who lose a baby to co-sleeping. Rather it is typically inattentive parents who are under the influence of alcohol or other substances and then in their stupor roll over on their infant. When I co-slept with all 3 of my babies I felt even the tiniest flutter and movement, even while I was seemingly asleep. That is our mommy instincts… the ones ingrained in us since the dawn of civilization, when people always slept with their babies!

But just to make sure, here are some tips for making co-sleeping safe.

• Use a firm mattress for the family bed, no lumpy featherbeds or waterbeds.
• Sheets and blankets should tight and fitted.
• Layer clothing rather than blankets if it is cold.
• Remove extra pillows, including decorative ones. No stuffed animals.
• Ideally place an infant between mom and a guard rail, sleeping pad, or wall. Make sure there are no gaps if you use a wall.
• A large body pillow is a low cost way to fill in a gap.
• Place baby on his or her back to sleep.
• Keep your bed low to the ground and place pillows just underneath so that if baby falls they have a soft place to land.

Attached parents usually give much more thought to educational needs than typical parents do. We know that each child is unique and they they have their own learning style. Cookie cutter public schools do not do a good job of addressing those differences so we as parents have to find ways to better tailor the education to the child. Here are some ideas:

• Try homeschooling during the preschool years. This helps you identify their learning style (visual, auditory, tactile, kinesthetic, etc.)
• Buy educational toys and games so that learning is viewed as an enjoyable part of life… not a chore.
• Provide kids with educational resources to the extent you can and take them on field trips to zoos, science museums, art galleries, botanical gardens, historical locations, etc.
• Nurture their inborn love of learning and their natural curiosity.
• Make a list of pros and cons. List all the benefits and drawbacks of public schooling, homeschooling, and private schooling. Having it all written down can make it easier to see what the best option is.
• If public school is your best option, be aware that you still have some choices. You will surely have a traditional public school in your area but you may also have a charter school or even a magnet school.
• Meet with your child’s teacher to explain learning styles and to give him/her tips on the best ways to encourage learning and participation. Stay in contact all throughout the year.
• Volunteer at your child’s school as much as you can.
• Look for ways to fund a private school if you want to go that route, with scholarships and grants.
• If your child has an IEP, see if you can leverage that into a free or low cost private education or tutor.
• Try different homeschool curriculum or even an eclectic or unschooling approach to see if your children respond positively.
• Always keep expectations reasonable and appropriate to the developmental level of your child.
• Be your child’s number one champion and advocate, no matter where they go to school.
• Keep the communication lines open and try to view the educational journey through their eyes.
• Help them eat well, stay active, and get enough sleep. All of these things can help or hinder their education.
• Be familiar with all that is required of them, ie homework and help them structure a schedule to get it done.
• Create ways to help them de-school when they come home with fun family events and evening traditions.

How does AP help you be a better educator for your children?

This is part of the Green Moms Weekly column. In honor of National AP month we are answering the question: How do you think attachment parenting enhances learning? Read how other moms answered this question, like Carrie and Rachel, and play along yourself if you want. Enjoy!

As the parent of an autistic boy, I grapple with social, sensory, self care, and behavioral issues every day but it always nice to remember that I have a bag of tricks at my disposal. I like to keep a mental list of reminders and ideas for ways to handle our day to day issues. Being armed with solutions is half the battle…

1. Accentuate the Positive – Sure there are “negatives” to deal with every day and it can be hard to think positive when you have a child red faced and screaming at you but you have think about your responses to inappropriate behavior and be smart about it. When you react badly and fly off the handle you model the same behavior you are trying to discourage. Instead of using punishments and penalties think abut how you can accentuate the positives and encourage more of it.

2. Don’t Try to Teach During a Tantrum – It won’t work! Both parties need to take a time out from each other, calm down, and come back to the situation/discussion when the time is right. Not only will you be more likely to reach them, you are modeling self control by removing yourself from a situation when it gets heated.

3. Give Them the Time of Day – If you are having a persistent problem getting your child to perform certain tasks think about whether or not it is the task that is the problem or the time of day. If chore time is right after school when they may be hungry and tired see if you can reschedule for later, when they have had a snack and brief rest. You may meet with resistance if bath time falls during their favorite TV shows. Ask them ahead of time what when they want to take their bath and be flexible.

4. Give Them a Warning – No one likes to be interrupted and told they have to immediately change focus. Be respectful by giving them a 2, 5, or 10 minutes heads up that they will be required to stop what they are doing and switch to a new task, leave the house, eat dinner, etc.

5. Make a Deal/Contract – You may have to bargain to get the desired outcome. If you want your child to clean his room perhaps you can make a deal. “You clean your room and I will take you to the movies this afternoon.” Put it in writing and give them a copy of the contract. If they follow through with their end of the deal you follow through with yours. Having a visual, like a coupon or contract, helps many kids stay on task.

What is your best tip/idea for reaching an autistic child?

By woodleywonderworks on Flickr

Classrooms can be quite packed these days, especially in city schools. My oldest son, who has high functioning autism, is supposed to be in a 4th grade classroom that has a whopping 42 students. Lucky for us he is able to attend a private school where his IEP puts him in a class with only 3 other students. This is perfect for him and his issues. Another HUGE benefit is that the school uses computers quite heavily and computers are his language so this works out well for us. We are increasingly becoming a fan of digital learning. Heck I have loved this form of learning for years… via the computer I taught myself web and graphic design, all the ins and outs of blogging and WordPress, as well as how to run a successful online business. If I have learned so well and so much from technology then I know that kids can benefit as well.. and they are.

In this fast paced world in which we live, it can prove difficult to reach out to the younger generation. For educators, finding new and exciting ways to engage students may seem all but impossible when the competition is the likes of Facebook, video games and dozens of interesting television shows. But with Dell technology in education, teachers have a host of options available to them in order to make their lesson plans really come alive.

According to the Department of Education website, the teacher role has drastically shifted as he or she now “plays the role of facilitator, setting project goals and providing guidelines and resources.” In this way, technology is beneficial as the educator can put students in groups and have more time to spend going from group to group and answering pertinent questions about the lesson. The teacher then begins to build from the tools they already have and can add the ever-present element of technology.

As Dell’s website mentions, “our students are growing up in the digital age.” Thus they are processing information in a different way than we might be accustomed to. Since they have never lived in a world that didn’t include computers or other similar electronic devices, having them focus on the traditional textbook model would be moot. As the average attention span of our students these days seems to be, oh, about sixty seconds, educators must latch onto their brains fast to impart knowledge. This definitely seems like a job for Dell education technology.

Since students seem to like immediacy when it comes to finding the answers to their questions, what better way to do this than to incorporate technology-based curricula into everyday learning? However, it’s not always just the kids that like these kinds of results. Administrators are clamoring to find quicker ways to process data and monitor individual classroom progress. If everyone is connected technologically, there will be quicker interventions implemented to ensure student performance. (Teachers, this could mean fewer classroom visits from the principal!)

The bottom line with more computerized and digital tools in classrooms can be broken down into three things: better time management for teachers, more participation from the students and efficient data processing for administrators. If everyone is on board, the learning process will be smooth and not such an uphill battle for educators to garner interest from their classrooms.

If your kids aren’t coming home with textbooks you may feel out of the loop but you can stay up to date by talking with your kids, identifying the programs they are using and researching them, and staying in close contact with their teacher. There is no reason you cannot still be an active, involved parent in the education process, even if technology becomes a bigger part of it. Who knows, maybe you will learn something to!

Before I had my daughter I had not given so much as a thought to my future parenting styles. I did not enter into this relationship with any preconceived notions of what I was going to do. Honestly, I don’t know how much of my parenting style was chosen by me and how much was demanded of me, by my baby. Attachment Parenting was developed by Dr. Sears, a well-known children’s doctor, to promote instinctive, natural parenting. There are 8 basic principles to attachment parenting. I had never even heard of ‘AP’ until long after I was a follower. Here are the basic principles:

# Preparation for Childbirth – Was I ready? No. But like I said, I didn’t PLAN on becoming an Attachment Parent.

# Emotional Responsiveness – After 8 months, L has yet to cry herself to sleep. Babies cry because they need something, not because it’s fun. Think about it the next time you cry.

# Breastfeeding – After her birth, I almost exclusively breastfeed her for several months. Better for me, better for her – no brainer.

# Bedsharing – Breastfeeding every 2 hours led to sleeping in my bed.

# Babywearing – Cuddling at night, perhaps, led to her wanting to be close to me during the day, hence, the Ergo & Polkadot Papoose.

# Avoid Separation – I’m lucky enough to have a job that allows me to take her to work so we are together 24/7. I miss her terribly if I have to leave her for any length of time.

# Use Positive Discipline – We’ll get to this one when it comes, but right now my little baby is too young to need discipline.

# Maintain Life Balance – If I’m going out to dinner, L comes too. If I need to run to the store, she’s along for the ride.

Bottom-line. This is what works for us. It evolved naturally. I encourage new mothers not to worry about following someone else’s rules about what is right for you and your baby. Don’t get too caught up in reading the latest baby book. Ultimately, do what feels right to you!

Heather Boger is the owner of http://www.greenbabygreenmama.com, a website that features eco-friendly, organic & natural baby products.