Being an attachment parent can begin even before your baby is born. Mostly this is done by educating yourself  and preparing for the birth of your little bundle but for specific ideas look to the list below for some ideas.

1. Natural Childbirth – The more alert you and baby are the easier it will be to start bonding and learning the art of breastfeeding.

2. Consider Water Birth or Home birth – Proponents of water births believe this is one of the most peaceful entrances to the world that can be had by a baby. It is easier on mom if she can soak and relax and the environment is less of a shock to baby since they are immersed in water during pregnancy. Home births mean that doctors and nurses are not trying to whisk your baby away for shots and other interventions.

2. Breastfeed – The bond between a mom and her suckling baby is tremendous and special. You do not want to miss even a moment of it or shortchange it either. Make preparations to breastfeed for an extended period of time.

3. Eat Healthy and Stay Active – Make a conscious effort to eat the best foods for you and baby. Also make sure to get plenty of exercise. Eating nourishing foods puts less stress on your pregnant body and staying active will help you have a healthy birth.

4. Interventions After Birth – Don’t let bonding be interrupted by needless interventions… circumcision, vaccines, trips to the nursery, etc. In fact, make it clear that baby is to be kept at your side at all times and “handled” by medical staff very little.

5. Invest in a Sling – Plan to wear your baby in a sling or wrap. Before baby arrives is the perfect time to read reviews and find out which sling sounds like the best fit for you. if you have any friends who practice babywearing ask if you can try on some of theirs so you can get a real life feel for them.

6. Forget the Crib – Cosleeping is much easier on mom and baby and it makes it a million times easier to bond. Figure out the sleeping situation before baby arrives by adding a twin bed next to your own if need be, making sure baby cannot fall out or get wedged against a wall, or getting a co-sleeper bed.

7. Get Help – Ask friends and family to help out with household duties like cleaning and cooking so that you can enjoy your time with your new baby.

8. Educate Yourself About Developmental Stages – Be prepared with this info and you won’t have to needlessly stress.. you can just enjoy that little bundle and savor every moment. This is process you will continue for your life as a parent.

The book It’s Your Kid – Not a Gerbil is all about creating a less stressed, happier life. It battles the very idea that busy hands are happy hands and gives us some insight into why we might want to slow down and schedule less. Much of that is prioritizing and choosing activities wisely and it is also about making sure the home environment is a place the entire family wants to be, so they won’t feel the need to find stimulation elsewhere.

One aspect of the book that I loved was that it addresses the idea that our kids become the center of the universe as far as we or they are concerned. All of the effort we put into making sure they have all these opportunities and experiences is actually more likely to result in a selfish child who takes and takes, rather than gives. Not only can the over scheduling phenomena be exhausting for all involved it can be harmful for their future. Sooner or later they WILL be slapped with the reality that they are not the center of the universe. By that time it may mean they can’t hold a job or be a good spouse.

Another issue is that all the activities kids are involved with can be a source of pride for the parents. Retraining for all family members may be in order. Being so invested in your kids means you have lost a part of yourself and are living through them, which is not good for anyone.

If you need to slow down and get off the wheel I recommend this book. It is all about creating a happier family life, happier kids, and a less stressed mom and dad.

Even Dr. Sears agrees:

Who is behind this new national campaign to warn parents not to sleep with their babies? In addition to the USCPSC, the Juvenile Products Manufacturers Association (JPMA) is co-sponsoring this campaign. The JPMA? An association of crib manufacturers. This is a huge conflict of interest. Actually, this campaign is exactly in the interest of the JPMA.

We have seen these same tactics within the car seat industry for YEARS. Few people actually know studies have proven that past 2 years of age car seats provide no better protection from death in an auto accident than regular old seat belts. But no one makes money when you use the manufacturer seat belt so they skew studies and harp on one stat among many, so that they can get laws passed that require car seats and pad industry pockets. This Milwaukee campaign is no different. They are using a city government to spread their message… “Co-sleeping kills, buy a crib.”

Don’t fall for it and don’t let them get away with it. We need to be vocal about all the ways to make co-sleeping safer and of course be honest that it is not attached, attentive parents who lose a baby to co-sleeping. Rather it is typically inattentive parents who are under the influence of alcohol or other substances and then in their stupor roll over on their infant. When I co-slept with all 3 of my babies I felt even the tiniest flutter and movement, even while I was seemingly asleep. That is our mommy instincts… the ones ingrained in us since the dawn of civilization, when people always slept with their babies!

But just to make sure, here are some tips for making co-sleeping safe.

• Use a firm mattress for the family bed, no lumpy featherbeds or waterbeds.
• Sheets and blankets should tight and fitted.
• Layer clothing rather than blankets if it is cold.
• Remove extra pillows, including decorative ones. No stuffed animals.
• Ideally place an infant between mom and a guard rail, sleeping pad, or wall. Make sure there are no gaps if you use a wall.
• A large body pillow is a low cost way to fill in a gap.
• Place baby on his or her back to sleep.
• Keep your bed low to the ground and place pillows just underneath so that if baby falls they have a soft place to land.

Attached parents usually give much more thought to educational needs than typical parents do. We know that each child is unique and they they have their own learning style. Cookie cutter public schools do not do a good job of addressing those differences so we as parents have to find ways to better tailor the education to the child. Here are some ideas:

• Try homeschooling during the preschool years. This helps you identify their learning style (visual, auditory, tactile, kinesthetic, etc.)
• Buy educational toys and games so that learning is viewed as an enjoyable part of life… not a chore.
• Provide kids with educational resources to the extent you can and take them on field trips to zoos, science museums, art galleries, botanical gardens, historical locations, etc.
• Nurture their inborn love of learning and their natural curiosity.
• Make a list of pros and cons. List all the benefits and drawbacks of public schooling, homeschooling, and private schooling. Having it all written down can make it easier to see what the best option is.
• If public school is your best option, be aware that you still have some choices. You will surely have a traditional public school in your area but you may also have a charter school or even a magnet school.
• Meet with your child’s teacher to explain learning styles and to give him/her tips on the best ways to encourage learning and participation. Stay in contact all throughout the year.
• Volunteer at your child’s school as much as you can.
• Look for ways to fund a private school if you want to go that route, with scholarships and grants.
• If your child has an IEP, see if you can leverage that into a free or low cost private education or tutor.
• Try different homeschool curriculum or even an eclectic or unschooling approach to see if your children respond positively.
• Always keep expectations reasonable and appropriate to the developmental level of your child.
• Be your child’s number one champion and advocate, no matter where they go to school.
• Keep the communication lines open and try to view the educational journey through their eyes.
• Help them eat well, stay active, and get enough sleep. All of these things can help or hinder their education.
• Be familiar with all that is required of them, ie homework and help them structure a schedule to get it done.
• Create ways to help them de-school when they come home with fun family events and evening traditions.

How does AP help you be a better educator for your children?

This is part of the Green Moms Weekly column. In honor of National AP month we are answering the question: How do you think attachment parenting enhances learning? Read how other moms answered this question, like Carrie and Rachel, and play along yourself if you want. Enjoy!

As the parent of an autistic boy, I grapple with social, sensory, self care, and behavioral issues every day but it always nice to remember that I have a bag of tricks at my disposal. I like to keep a mental list of reminders and ideas for ways to handle our day to day issues. Being armed with solutions is half the battle…

1. Accentuate the Positive – Sure there are “negatives” to deal with every day and it can be hard to think positive when you have a child red faced and screaming at you but you have think about your responses to inappropriate behavior and be smart about it. When you react badly and fly off the handle you model the same behavior you are trying to discourage. Instead of using punishments and penalties think abut how you can accentuate the positives and encourage more of it.

2. Don’t Try to Teach During a Tantrum – It won’t work! Both parties need to take a time out from each other, calm down, and come back to the situation/discussion when the time is right. Not only will you be more likely to reach them, you are modeling self control by removing yourself from a situation when it gets heated.

3. Give Them the Time of Day – If you are having a persistent problem getting your child to perform certain tasks think about whether or not it is the task that is the problem or the time of day. If chore time is right after school when they may be hungry and tired see if you can reschedule for later, when they have had a snack and brief rest. You may meet with resistance if bath time falls during their favorite TV shows. Ask them ahead of time what when they want to take their bath and be flexible.

4. Give Them a Warning – No one likes to be interrupted and told they have to immediately change focus. Be respectful by giving them a 2, 5, or 10 minutes heads up that they will be required to stop what they are doing and switch to a new task, leave the house, eat dinner, etc.

5. Make a Deal/Contract – You may have to bargain to get the desired outcome. If you want your child to clean his room perhaps you can make a deal. “You clean your room and I will take you to the movies this afternoon.” Put it in writing and give them a copy of the contract. If they follow through with their end of the deal you follow through with yours. Having a visual, like a coupon or contract, helps many kids stay on task.

What is your best tip/idea for reaching an autistic child?

By woodleywonderworks on Flickr

Classrooms can be quite packed these days, especially in city schools. My oldest son, who has high functioning autism, is supposed to be in a 4th grade classroom that has a whopping 42 students. Lucky for us he is able to attend a private school where his IEP puts him in a class with only 3 other students. This is perfect for him and his issues. Another HUGE benefit is that the school uses computers quite heavily and computers are his language so this works out well for us. We are increasingly becoming a fan of digital learning. Heck I have loved this form of learning for years… via the computer I taught myself web and graphic design, all the ins and outs of blogging and WordPress, as well as how to run a successful online business. If I have learned so well and so much from technology then I know that kids can benefit as well.. and they are.

In this fast paced world in which we live, it can prove difficult to reach out to the younger generation. For educators, finding new and exciting ways to engage students may seem all but impossible when the competition is the likes of Facebook, video games and dozens of interesting television shows. But with Dell technology in education, teachers have a host of options available to them in order to make their lesson plans really come alive.

According to the Department of Education website, the teacher role has drastically shifted as he or she now “plays the role of facilitator, setting project goals and providing guidelines and resources.” In this way, technology is beneficial as the educator can put students in groups and have more time to spend going from group to group and answering pertinent questions about the lesson. The teacher then begins to build from the tools they already have and can add the ever-present element of technology.

As Dell’s website mentions, “our students are growing up in the digital age.” Thus they are processing information in a different way than we might be accustomed to. Since they have never lived in a world that didn’t include computers or other similar electronic devices, having them focus on the traditional textbook model would be moot. As the average attention span of our students these days seems to be, oh, about sixty seconds, educators must latch onto their brains fast to impart knowledge. This definitely seems like a job for Dell education technology.

Since students seem to like immediacy when it comes to finding the answers to their questions, what better way to do this than to incorporate technology-based curricula into everyday learning? However, it’s not always just the kids that like these kinds of results. Administrators are clamoring to find quicker ways to process data and monitor individual classroom progress. If everyone is connected technologically, there will be quicker interventions implemented to ensure student performance. (Teachers, this could mean fewer classroom visits from the principal!)

The bottom line with more computerized and digital tools in classrooms can be broken down into three things: better time management for teachers, more participation from the students and efficient data processing for administrators. If everyone is on board, the learning process will be smooth and not such an uphill battle for educators to garner interest from their classrooms.

If your kids aren’t coming home with textbooks you may feel out of the loop but you can stay up to date by talking with your kids, identifying the programs they are using and researching them, and staying in close contact with their teacher. There is no reason you cannot still be an active, involved parent in the education process, even if technology becomes a bigger part of it. Who knows, maybe you will learn something to!

Before I had my daughter I had not given so much as a thought to my future parenting styles. I did not enter into this relationship with any preconceived notions of what I was going to do. Honestly, I don’t know how much of my parenting style was chosen by me and how much was demanded of me, by my baby. Attachment Parenting was developed by Dr. Sears, a well-known children’s doctor, to promote instinctive, natural parenting. There are 8 basic principles to attachment parenting. I had never even heard of ‘AP’ until long after I was a follower. Here are the basic principles:

# Preparation for Childbirth – Was I ready? No. But like I said, I didn’t PLAN on becoming an Attachment Parent.

# Emotional Responsiveness – After 8 months, L has yet to cry herself to sleep. Babies cry because they need something, not because it’s fun. Think about it the next time you cry.

# Breastfeeding – After her birth, I almost exclusively breastfeed her for several months. Better for me, better for her – no brainer.

# Bedsharing – Breastfeeding every 2 hours led to sleeping in my bed.

# Babywearing – Cuddling at night, perhaps, led to her wanting to be close to me during the day, hence, the Ergo & Polkadot Papoose.

# Avoid Separation – I’m lucky enough to have a job that allows me to take her to work so we are together 24/7. I miss her terribly if I have to leave her for any length of time.

# Use Positive Discipline – We’ll get to this one when it comes, but right now my little baby is too young to need discipline.

# Maintain Life Balance – If I’m going out to dinner, L comes too. If I need to run to the store, she’s along for the ride.

Bottom-line. This is what works for us. It evolved naturally. I encourage new mothers not to worry about following someone else’s rules about what is right for you and your baby. Don’t get too caught up in reading the latest baby book. Ultimately, do what feels right to you!

Heather Boger is the owner of http://www.greenbabygreenmama.com, a website that features eco-friendly, organic & natural baby products.

Emotions can be big and scary to young children. They do not have any coping skills or life experience to draw on to put things in perspective. The caretakers in children’s lives have a responsibility to explore children’s feelings and teach them how to get a handle on them. Being able to deal appropriately with one’s emotions is key to success in school, relationships, and life in general. Here are some ideas on how to explore the world of feelings with your children.

Music

Music is an emotional experience, whether playing or listening. Try playing different CDs and ask your children what kind of emotion the music seems to be expressing. Using whatever instrument is available – piano, recorder, drums, harmonica, etc. – ask your child to play a song that represents a certain emotion. Make it a game – write down different emotions on slips of paper and let your child draw one at a time out of a hat.

Art

Putting your feelings onto paper or into clay can be very therapeutic. Encourage your child to tell you about his or her artwork – why pointed shapes? Why red or why green? You can ask your child to express a certain feeling with paints or crayons, or ask him or her to choose a feeling and illustrate it. Another artistic exercise is to have your children draw different facial expressions.

With “The Feelings Playing Cards” drawn by Pulitzer Prize- Winning Cartoonist Jim Borgman. Children become familiar with 30 different feelings as they play these fun card games

Role Playing

Sometimes, it’s easier to express yourself through another character – it feels safer. Putting on a play can be great fun; it won’t feel like emotional education! As you discuss the role, you can discuss the feelings the character is meant to portray, and how they can do that.

Kimochi is Japanese for feeling. Each interactive Kimochi has a pouch to store its feelings, felt cushions in bright colors with a facial expression on one side and the name of the emotion on the other side. Children learn by placing the cushion that best matches their feelings into their Kimochi and sharing the experience. The process calms, comforts and instills confidence.

Build Vocabulary

Give your young child the words to describe what he or she is feeling. After all, your child can’t talk about feelings if he or she doesn’t know what they are called! If your child hears you openly discussing your feelings, this will help build his or her emotional vocabulary. Very young children will need help in naming their feelings – it can actually help calm a child down when his or her feelings are explained. Feelings are much more manageable when they have names.

Mood Rings

These pretty pieces of jewelry have been around since the 1970s and maybe before. As the different mood colors come up on the ring, talk about them. You don’t need to be serious or heavy-handed; just casually talk about things like why the mood ring has a particular color for a particular feeling (“Does black seem like an angry color to you?”). You could discuss a time when your child felt a certain feeling and how you handled it.

Reading Books

Most children’s books involve some kind of emotional experience among the characters. As you read books together, talk about how the characters feel, why, and how the illustrator portrayed those emotions in the illustrations. Your child will then be able to relate to the character – and how the character handled his or her feelings – when emotional situations come up. Your child can write his or her own stories, too.

Be willing to learn better ways to handle your kids’ feelings. As you become more open to discussing emotions, your children will end up pointing out (perhaps inadvertently) some ways you’ve handled their emotional moments that did not help. Listen to your kids and, together, work toward handling big feelings effectively.

As parents of preschoolers or one who spends time with them, you may be at a loss for how to deal with preschool temper tantrums. Using the following ideas may give you the tools you need to deal with temper tantrums effectively and have a better behaved child, too.

Why do preschoolers have temper tantrums in the first place? You expect toddlers to have them when they’re unable to communicate their wants or needs, but preschoolers should be past that, shouldn’t they? Actually, understanding why a preschooler has tantrums can be the first step in knowing how to deal with them.

Preschoolers are toddlers with a year or more life behind them, so it’s not unusual for them to have tantrums for the same reasons. Those reasons include:

* Being tired due to too much activity
* Being hungry while on the go
* Not getting what they want when they want it
* Being angry or frustrated
* Feeling neglected and wanting attention
* Wanting to be able to do things for themselves but not being able to yet

How you handle temper tantrums now may play a large part in how your preschooler acts when he or she gets older. Incorrect handling could very well lead to behavior problems in the future. While having tantrums is a normal part of your preschooler’s development, how you choose to react and deal with them is entirely up to you.

No matter how embarrassing your preschooler acts in public, don’t give in to them. It’s important for them to learn that a melt down is not the way to get what they need and or want. You’ll also want to be sure to tell them you love them and you’re telling them “no” for a good reason.

Try to do your best to stay cool during this trying circumstance. Tell your child you understand they are frustrated, hungry, or tired. Ask them to calm down and help you decide how to work it out. They need to know you’ll listen and that you want to help them learn to deal with their own frustrations. If they calm down, give them a toy you brought from home to distract them until you can finish what you’re doing.

You can model good behavior for them by not losing your cool or raising your voice, no matter how much you might want to. If you can remain calm in the face of a preschooler in the middle of a meltdown, your demeanor may calm them down, too. Reacting poorly yourself may encourage the child to throw more tantrums because it shows their behavior will elicit a response.

Remove the child from the location if you have to, even if that means leaving a full buggy of groceries at the front of the store. (You can tell them you’ll be back when your child has calmed down; maybe they won’t restock everything while you’re gone.) Put your preschooler in their car seat and tell them you won’t go back into the store until they calm down and can act politely. Then sit with them quietly and calmly until their mood improves.

As a parent or caregiver of a preschooler, you want to know how to deal with their temper tantrums. Remember to bring along a snack or something for your preschooler to do if you’re going to be away from home for a while. This may help you avoid a temper tantrum which is better than having to deal with it.

Separation anxiety can be hard on toddlers and parents alike. There are some steps you can take to minimize the anxiety.

1. Prepare your toddler
While your toddler can not have an adult-level conversation with you, he can probably understand more than you think. Using simple, frank words, talk to him about where you’re going and what will be happening. Make sure you also stress that you will return. You can practice with a toy – have your child’s toy “leave” for a little while, then return it to him. This at least gets him used to the concept of departure and return. Remember, this is new for him.

2. Visit the caregiver and place ahead of time
Develop a relationship with your child’s caregiver, and familiarize your toddler with the childcare center if she is going there. Have the babysitter over to your home for a visit on a day when you aren’t going out, and when you visit the care center make it a fun outing. Your toddler will come to associate the caregiver or center with positive feelings.

3. Don’t have a meltdown yourself
Keep your own attitude up-beat and calm. Your toddler, after all, looks to you for reassurance. She doesn’t necessarily know if a situation is cause for panic or fear and will look to you to see what it’s all about.

4. Don’t sneak out
It may be tempting to slip out the door unnoticed when your toddler is otherwise occupied, but this can actually make separation anxiety worse. If your toddler thinks you could disappear at any moment, she will respond with even greater clinginess.

5. Respect the feelings
It is scary for toddlers when you leave. Help your toddler identify the often overwhelming, scary feeling of separation anxiety by naming it. “I know it feels scary and sad when Mommy goes away. That means you miss me. I understand that feeling.” Then assure her that you will return.

6. Make a smooth transition
Using a timer can be helpful here. Have the babysitter come to your house early, and then set a timer that will “count down” the minutes until you leave. Remind your toddler often during the count down – “In ten/five minutes Mommy will leave.” Let the babysitter interact with your toddler during this time, gradually transitioning the care over to the sitter.

7. Have the toddler leave you
Have the babysitter take your toddler for a walk or outing at the same time you are leaving. He will see you getting into your car as he goes with the sitter down the street. Psychologically, this helps toddlers cope with being left.

8. Have a special treat associated with the caregiver
On “babysitter night” or “daycare days,” let your child have a special toy or some other treat that you only give when she is with a caregiver. Hopefully, she will come to associate the caregiver situation with the special treat.