Well-Meaning Parents Often Fail to Teach Vital Values, Author Says

Parents and educators are always trying to spark student participation whether it’s in the classroom, in the local community, or throughout the world.

When middle-school students at Allison Academy in North Miami Beach were asked what they could do to improve their country, they focused on what they understood – bullying, violence and racism.

Those problems are all rooted in the same issues, says Rachel Albert, author of “Quest to Telos,”, a young adult novel where fantasy meets reality and even world peace is possible.

“They stem from a lack of personal integrity and absence of social responsibility,” she says.

“Children who choose to put those values into practice are actively working toward peace. But they can only put into practice what they’ve learned; instilling those values may seem simple, but many parents miss the mark and actually model the opposite.”

Throwing money at social problems like racism or violence doesn’t resolve them, Albert says. But children can.

“The energy from kids’ excitement can make a real difference and we need their energy focused right here at home,” says the mother of four. “They see problems; it’s up to us to give them the tools to address them.”

The following tips can help parents teach their children personal integrity and social responsibility, giving them the keys to world peace.

• Never lie in front of your kids. It may seem obvious, but many parents lie in front of their children or encourage them to lie; misstating a child’s age to save money on movie tickets or allowing them to take credit for school projects completed by the parent.  These seemingly inconsequential lies suggest it’s OK, even good, to distort the truth. This causes long-term damage a million times more costly than whatever was gained in the short term.

• Give your kids a reason why. Author Mark Twain once said that the two most important days of your life are the day you are born and the day you figure out why.  If you fail to tell your kids why we are here, you have missed the opportunity to
figure out what motivates them and gets them excited. This is the most important key to getting kids’ cooperation and empowering them to help the world.

• Don’t criticize your children. Criticism is toxic, so why do almost all parents criticize their kids?  When we focus on what they aren’t, they believe they can’t. This creates angry children who express their pain by bullying others.  It’s better to tell them how you feel rather than what you think of them, e.g., “I feel frustrated that you didn’t listen to me,” or “Can you say that in a more loving way?”

• Don’t speak badly about other people. This is probably one of the hardest things to do, considering we’re a generation that pays for gossip.  Speaking badly about others teaches kids to look for what they view as the negative in others and take joy in sharing it.

• Model charity. Actions speak louder than any words. When you teach kindness to children, they tend to feel empathy and have more successful lives, a crucial step toward achieving world peace.

Once we tackle the issues plaguing America, then as a model nation, we will be ready to tackle world peace, Albert says. Kids are hungry to form an identity and make their mark on the world. It’s easier to try to bring peace to another country, but that never works. We need to start at home.

About Rachel Albert

Rachel Albert is a certified court reporter and business owner. “Quest to Telos” is her debut novel; it’s being used by a private school to develop an inspirational, critical-thinking curriculum for middle-school students ready by the summer. Albert is currently working on a sequel. She is a staunch advocate of boosting teen literacy while inspiring kids to make a difference starting with their own hearts.

The book It’s Your Kid – Not a Gerbil is all about creating a less stressed, happier life. It battles the very idea that busy hands are happy hands and gives us some insight into why we might want to slow down and schedule less. Much of that is prioritizing and choosing activities wisely and it is also about making sure the home environment is a place the entire family wants to be, so they won’t feel the need to find stimulation elsewhere.

One aspect of the book that I loved was that it addresses the idea that our kids become the center of the universe as far as we or they are concerned. All of the effort we put into making sure they have all these opportunities and experiences is actually more likely to result in a selfish child who takes and takes, rather than gives. Not only can the over scheduling phenomena be exhausting for all involved it can be harmful for their future. Sooner or later they WILL be slapped with the reality that they are not the center of the universe. By that time it may mean they can’t hold a job or be a good spouse.

Another issue is that all the activities kids are involved with can be a source of pride for the parents. Retraining for all family members may be in order. Being so invested in your kids means you have lost a part of yourself and are living through them, which is not good for anyone.

If you need to slow down and get off the wheel I recommend this book. It is all about creating a happier family life, happier kids, and a less stressed mom and dad.

Attached parents usually give much more thought to educational needs than typical parents do. We know that each child is unique and they they have their own learning style. Cookie cutter public schools do not do a good job of addressing those differences so we as parents have to find ways to better tailor the education to the child. Here are some ideas:

• Try homeschooling during the preschool years. This helps you identify their learning style (visual, auditory, tactile, kinesthetic, etc.)
• Buy educational toys and games so that learning is viewed as an enjoyable part of life… not a chore.
• Provide kids with educational resources to the extent you can and take them on field trips to zoos, science museums, art galleries, botanical gardens, historical locations, etc.
• Nurture their inborn love of learning and their natural curiosity.
• Make a list of pros and cons. List all the benefits and drawbacks of public schooling, homeschooling, and private schooling. Having it all written down can make it easier to see what the best option is.
• If public school is your best option, be aware that you still have some choices. You will surely have a traditional public school in your area but you may also have a charter school or even a magnet school.
• Meet with your child’s teacher to explain learning styles and to give him/her tips on the best ways to encourage learning and participation. Stay in contact all throughout the year.
• Volunteer at your child’s school as much as you can.
• Look for ways to fund a private school if you want to go that route, with scholarships and grants.
• If your child has an IEP, see if you can leverage that into a free or low cost private education or tutor.
• Try different homeschool curriculum or even an eclectic or unschooling approach to see if your children respond positively.
• Always keep expectations reasonable and appropriate to the developmental level of your child.
• Be your child’s number one champion and advocate, no matter where they go to school.
• Keep the communication lines open and try to view the educational journey through their eyes.
• Help them eat well, stay active, and get enough sleep. All of these things can help or hinder their education.
• Be familiar with all that is required of them, ie homework and help them structure a schedule to get it done.
• Create ways to help them de-school when they come home with fun family events and evening traditions.

How does AP help you be a better educator for your children?

This is part of the Green Moms Weekly column. In honor of National AP month we are answering the question: How do you think attachment parenting enhances learning? Read how other moms answered this question, like Carrie and Rachel, and play along yourself if you want. Enjoy!

By woodleywonderworks on Flickr

Classrooms can be quite packed these days, especially in city schools. My oldest son, who has high functioning autism, is supposed to be in a 4th grade classroom that has a whopping 42 students. Lucky for us he is able to attend a private school where his IEP puts him in a class with only 3 other students. This is perfect for him and his issues. Another HUGE benefit is that the school uses computers quite heavily and computers are his language so this works out well for us. We are increasingly becoming a fan of digital learning. Heck I have loved this form of learning for years… via the computer I taught myself web and graphic design, all the ins and outs of blogging and WordPress, as well as how to run a successful online business. If I have learned so well and so much from technology then I know that kids can benefit as well.. and they are.

In this fast paced world in which we live, it can prove difficult to reach out to the younger generation. For educators, finding new and exciting ways to engage students may seem all but impossible when the competition is the likes of Facebook, video games and dozens of interesting television shows. But with Dell technology in education, teachers have a host of options available to them in order to make their lesson plans really come alive.

According to the Department of Education website, the teacher role has drastically shifted as he or she now “plays the role of facilitator, setting project goals and providing guidelines and resources.” In this way, technology is beneficial as the educator can put students in groups and have more time to spend going from group to group and answering pertinent questions about the lesson. The teacher then begins to build from the tools they already have and can add the ever-present element of technology.

As Dell’s website mentions, “our students are growing up in the digital age.” Thus they are processing information in a different way than we might be accustomed to. Since they have never lived in a world that didn’t include computers or other similar electronic devices, having them focus on the traditional textbook model would be moot. As the average attention span of our students these days seems to be, oh, about sixty seconds, educators must latch onto their brains fast to impart knowledge. This definitely seems like a job for Dell education technology.

Since students seem to like immediacy when it comes to finding the answers to their questions, what better way to do this than to incorporate technology-based curricula into everyday learning? However, it’s not always just the kids that like these kinds of results. Administrators are clamoring to find quicker ways to process data and monitor individual classroom progress. If everyone is connected technologically, there will be quicker interventions implemented to ensure student performance. (Teachers, this could mean fewer classroom visits from the principal!)

The bottom line with more computerized and digital tools in classrooms can be broken down into three things: better time management for teachers, more participation from the students and efficient data processing for administrators. If everyone is on board, the learning process will be smooth and not such an uphill battle for educators to garner interest from their classrooms.

If your kids aren’t coming home with textbooks you may feel out of the loop but you can stay up to date by talking with your kids, identifying the programs they are using and researching them, and staying in close contact with their teacher. There is no reason you cannot still be an active, involved parent in the education process, even if technology becomes a bigger part of it. Who knows, maybe you will learn something to!

Emotions can be big and scary to young children. They do not have any coping skills or life experience to draw on to put things in perspective. The caretakers in children’s lives have a responsibility to explore children’s feelings and teach them how to get a handle on them. Being able to deal appropriately with one’s emotions is key to success in school, relationships, and life in general. Here are some ideas on how to explore the world of feelings with your children.

Music

Music is an emotional experience, whether playing or listening. Try playing different CDs and ask your children what kind of emotion the music seems to be expressing. Using whatever instrument is available – piano, recorder, drums, harmonica, etc. – ask your child to play a song that represents a certain emotion. Make it a game – write down different emotions on slips of paper and let your child draw one at a time out of a hat.

Art

Putting your feelings onto paper or into clay can be very therapeutic. Encourage your child to tell you about his or her artwork – why pointed shapes? Why red or why green? You can ask your child to express a certain feeling with paints or crayons, or ask him or her to choose a feeling and illustrate it. Another artistic exercise is to have your children draw different facial expressions.

With “The Feelings Playing Cards” drawn by Pulitzer Prize- Winning Cartoonist Jim Borgman. Children become familiar with 30 different feelings as they play these fun card games

Role Playing

Sometimes, it’s easier to express yourself through another character – it feels safer. Putting on a play can be great fun; it won’t feel like emotional education! As you discuss the role, you can discuss the feelings the character is meant to portray, and how they can do that.

Kimochi is Japanese for feeling. Each interactive Kimochi has a pouch to store its feelings, felt cushions in bright colors with a facial expression on one side and the name of the emotion on the other side. Children learn by placing the cushion that best matches their feelings into their Kimochi and sharing the experience. The process calms, comforts and instills confidence.

Build Vocabulary

Give your young child the words to describe what he or she is feeling. After all, your child can’t talk about feelings if he or she doesn’t know what they are called! If your child hears you openly discussing your feelings, this will help build his or her emotional vocabulary. Very young children will need help in naming their feelings – it can actually help calm a child down when his or her feelings are explained. Feelings are much more manageable when they have names.

Mood Rings

These pretty pieces of jewelry have been around since the 1970s and maybe before. As the different mood colors come up on the ring, talk about them. You don’t need to be serious or heavy-handed; just casually talk about things like why the mood ring has a particular color for a particular feeling (“Does black seem like an angry color to you?”). You could discuss a time when your child felt a certain feeling and how you handled it.

Reading Books

Most children’s books involve some kind of emotional experience among the characters. As you read books together, talk about how the characters feel, why, and how the illustrator portrayed those emotions in the illustrations. Your child will then be able to relate to the character – and how the character handled his or her feelings – when emotional situations come up. Your child can write his or her own stories, too.

Be willing to learn better ways to handle your kids’ feelings. As you become more open to discussing emotions, your children will end up pointing out (perhaps inadvertently) some ways you’ve handled their emotional moments that did not help. Listen to your kids and, together, work toward handling big feelings effectively.

In this day and age of constant stimulus and a lifestyle that is often rushed and packed with activities, children need time to “recharge” more than ever. While meditation is often viewed as a practice for adults, children can benefit greatly from it, too. These benefits can be carried into adulthood as useful life skills as well. Here are some of the ways that meditation can be good for kids.

- Reduced anxiety
Anxiety can lead to or be connected with depression and physical disorders such as digestive disturbances. Although adults tend to remember childhood as idyllic, children actually encounter a great deal of anxiety in their young lives. From dealing with difficult school subjects to facing bullies to family trauma, children need a way to reduce the anxiety they feel. Reducing anxiety also helps improve academic test scores.

- Enhanced concentration
Once again, meditation can help in school performance. With ADD and ADHD getting more and more prevalent among the young, being able to increase concentration can be a major benefit of meditation.

- Mental clarity and focus
Children often have a hard time focusing on one thing for very long. In an era of short visual images from television or the computer, it’s important that children train their brains to stay on one subject, topic or idea for progressively longer lengths of time. Meditation trains the brain to do this.

- Better control over anger
Helping children get a handle on their emotions, especially anger, is very beneficial. Children who can handle their anger have more and better peer relationships, and do better as adults. Anger can be destructive and frightening, and kids need to see that they can control their emotions and responses. Meditation produces a sense of calm, and teachers have said it enhances children’s compassion toward one another.

- Greater ability to handle stress
Meditation seems to carve “pathways” in the brain that go from being a deliberate exercise to an automatic response. Kids who practice meditation not only find they can handle their current stress better, but they also exhibit a greater ability to deal with stress as it comes.

Meditation can be done by parents at home, incorporated into a classroom setting, or with an instructor. Only a few minutes a day are required to obtain some of the benefits. Teaching children the art of meditation gives them important life skills that will bring immediate help as well as setting the stage for a productive future.

Read: Meditation for Kids: (And Other Beings) (Little Books With Big Ideas)

In the book Generation Text, Dr. Osit reveals how the combination of high-tech interaction and immediate gratification is putting our children at risk for developing distorted self-image, poor work ethic, a sense of entitlement, and weakened social skills, as well as aggressive tendencies. Parents owe it to their kids to set boundaries when it comes to the use of gadgets, for their kid’s long term physical, emotional as well as social health.

Statistics show that kids spend more than half of their playtime in front of screens. The effect of this is that they are somewhat disconnected to the family. Why should parents be concerned about this?

1. Social skills – when “intermachine” interaction replaces people interaction, kids will not readily learn to pick up social nuances. For example, texting eliminates many challenges socially that contain important lessons for kids and teens to learn.
2. Values – the attitudes and behavior of kids has declined because modern kids have access to the world. The messages they get are not always appropriate.
3. Anonymity – we get more brazen and nervy when using technology. That’s not always healthy for relationships.

Dr. Osit talks about “access” and “excess” in his book. Access refers to easy availability of the world and other people. Kids can be all over the world in their bedrooms. Children can be exposed to ideas and concepts that are disturbing and that can change their developing brains. In the past, parents tried to protect their kids from these influences until they were more mature and could make better decisions. Now it’s harder than ever to do so.

Excess – kids who live in economically privileged parts of the world have too many privileges and possessions. There is often is a sense of entitlement with these things. What’s acceptable and common for the age group is not always appropriate. Parents need to think about what’s best for their child and family, not what the neighbors are doing.

Instant Gratification

Too much technology can lead to weak delayed gratification muscles. As parents we need to help our kids learn how to delay gratification in order for them to be happy, healthy adults. Many parents are going overboard in expending too much money, time and resources. Parents are operating in a busier, fast paced world and because of guilt we say yes, sometimes to compensate for a lack of time.

Studies show that kids – even teens – really do respect and admire their parents and want to please them. They also crave to spend more time with their parents. We need to start creating more balance with our kids and give them the gift of our focused attention instead of more gadgets.

When used the right way, technology can be a parent’s asset. For instance, with shy kids technology can boost their social ability. It can compensate for their weakness. What’s needed is to establish limits and boundaries with your kids before you give your child the privilege of using technology such as the internet. Instruct them on what they should do for example, if they come across pornography online.

Computers should be kept in a public area of the home and the rules of use posted nearby. Parental controls are easy to implement and some of these are free from the internet service provider. Kids should be coached to come to the parents if they stumble on something inappropriate online. Encourage them to come to you if that happens and help them understand that you won’t get angry but will talk about it. This is an opportunity for you to hand down your values to your kids.

Dr. Osit suggests eliminating distractions during family times and setting a good example by turning off cell phones at the dinner table and on family outings. Model the behavior you want. If a parent is addicted to their “Crackberry” they can hardly criticize their child for being addicted to their Nintendo DS!

You can find this book at Amazon.com

No Transportation Required – Children who attend public schools often ride the bus or get picked up and dropped off by parents. Idling in pickup lanes is a common occurrence, especially during cold and/or hot weather. All of this transportation means more greenhouse gas emissions. Schooling at home will usually mean less driving and therefore less pollution. No time constraints might also mean that homeschooling families can rely more heavily on public transportation.

Computers Reduce Paper Usage – In traditional schools kids often work with textbooks, workbooks, and paper printables. It is not uncommon for them to bring home a backpack full of paper at the end of every week with homework, artwork, reports, newsletters, and school advertisements. The use of computers to do lessons, watch video tutorials, do drills, create art digitally, or learn new skills eliminates the need for so much paper. It reduces the need for consumable supplies in general.

Green School Supplies – Most of the supplies you find within schools are not very eco friendly. Brand new paper, petroleum based crayons, and clay with PVC all have a negative impact on our planet. Homeschooling parents have more freedom to choose their own earth friendly supplies like soy crayons, beeswax modeling materials, post consumer recycled paper, and graphite pencils.

Home Cooked Food – School lunches are often heavily processed and packaged and very wasteful. Lunches at home can be significantly healthier with less processing and chemical additives. Using whole foods and cooking from scratch will mean less waste too. Growing your own organic foods, perhaps as part of natural science lessons, will also help conserve resources and improve soil conditions.

Recycling – Homeschoolers have a great opportunity to recycle by using scrap paper, printing on both sides of the paper, and repurposing items to meet new needs. Most public schools can’t be bothered to manage recycling programs. It could even be part of their studies to learn how to recycle as much as they can.

Homeschoolers Consume Less – When educating at home there is usually no need for new backpacks every year, lunchboxes, and new clothing. School supply lists grow shorter every year and items don’t get lost while at school and need to be replaced as much. Children are also likely to feel less peer pressure and the need to ask for the latest name brands, popular fashions, and cool gadgets.

Homeschoolers can Buy Second Hand – Many homeschooling parents like to buy homeschooling supplies and curriculum second hand. There are many swap sites and forums that emerged to meet this growing demand. Parents buy, trade, or sell books, curriculum sets, board games, computer games, electronic learning tools, and much more. This helps to reduce the impact on limited planetary resources when we avoid buying new.

Encourage independence, watch your kids blossom into cheerful workers, reward performance, and get a little help around the house with the Magnetic Responsibility Chart. It includes 134 wooden magnetic pieces to help your kids reach their goals.

I bought two of these charts about a year ago for my two oldest kids and we LOVE them! It is a magnetic chore/responsibility chart that encourages independence and responsibility. It is really easy for children to understand even young children that can’t yet read. Basically you have spaces along the left side for chores or goals and then corresponding spaces for every day of the week. It offers a variety of chores and positive behaviors on magnetic pieces that kids love. They are actual chores like set the table or make your bed and then there are goals like no hitting and use the potty. There are plenty of different ones to choose from, suitable for all ages, and there are blank ones so you can customize.

If the goal is met or the chore is accomplished that day the child gets a reward button such as a star, a heart, a flower, a trophy, a bear, and many others. The right side has a section for even more magnetic buttons that show the results of the goal or chore set at the end of the week. I imagine this would be were you could write out a reward or incentive they receive, like allowance. The chart is also a dry erase board and you can write on it as well. It is simply outstanding and its bright colors and adorable pictures mean kids love it to. It can be folded for easy storage and it has a sturdy strap so you can hang it on a wall. The only feature missing is a snap closure so you can snap it closed while it is hanging so that little brother or sister can’t reach it and grab the magnets and run off with them! This is a very helpful product!

Where to Buy: Amazon.com

When your child goes to school it is normally 20 or more students to one teacher, at least in public schools. In some areas it can be up to 30 students for each teacher. This means that children get very little of the teacher’s undivided attention. Homeschooled children typically get one-on-one time and this helps them to learn for efficiently and retain what they learn.

Learning at the pace the child is ready to learn at is important. When it is just you and a couple of children you are able to take the time to let them learn things according to their own schedule and skills. Children all have different strengths and learning styles and don’t understand the same things at the same time. In public school there isn’t time to let the kids learn at their own pace, that’s why they get so much homework. Homeschooled children need not made to meet these unrealistic expectations.

Each child learns things a different way. Many teachers only teach one way. Some children are visual learners, some learn by listening, and some learn by doing. Some teachers only teach one way though, which leaves the rest of the kids out. One of these kids might be yours…

Homeschooling also allows for more life skills training. This is one of the best parts of homeschooling in fact. You see 18 year olds coming out of high school that have no practical life skills that will help them get a job. They usually feel they need to jump right into secondary education instead. Can they budget money for their new apartment, balance a checkbook, or fix things that break around the house? Many times the answer is no. For the last 16 years they have been too busy learning how to do algebra, trigonometry, and learning definitions of huge words they will never use. Homeschooling can allow you to teach your child more practical things they can actually utilize later in life. You can teach them about saving, investing and paying bills. You can teach them about how fix things around their home, like the car, the toilet and electronics or computers. Homeschooling can give them the advantage they need.

The absolute best thing about homeschooling though is the fact you get to spend so much time with your children. No teacher will enjoy your child as much as you, nor will they enjoy watching your child learn as much as you.

No parent ever says “I wish I hadn’t home schooled and spent that much time with my kids” Think about it, in the end what are going to say? Consider homeschooling, you won’t regret it.