What Is Discipline?

Probably no other topic sparks as much resignation in a parent than the topic of discipline. Parents are afraid not to discipline, or afraid to discipline too harshly. This is a good thing, as it means that modern parents are concerned with their own actions. Instead of doing things the way they’ve always been
done, we want to do one better.

However, a problem sometimes exists in the attachment parenting community. Some parents think that gentle discipline means no discipline at all, or they engage in ineffective discipline. It would be helpful to define discipline.

The word discipline comes from disciple, which has as its root the idea of teaching. Teaching is a parent’s job. We provide a framework where learning can take place by loving our children and giving them a safe place, but we also actively teach our children. Instead of being afraid of
discipline, viewing it from this paradigm opens up a new idea about discipline. Here is an example
of what I mean.

Let’s say a child has a habit of slamming doors. You find this irritating to the ears and sometimes
the slamming causes things to fall off the walls. There are a few things that a parent can do in this
situation. A parent could punish a child or yell at their child for slamming the door, but is that
effective or loving? Small chidren generally don’t know that slamming doors is a bad idea. They don’t
understand how that damages the door frame or causes the hinges to weaken. Here is where teaching
comes in.

Why not take the child by the hand, lead them to the door, and get down on their level on your
knees and explain calmly how slamming the door can damage it? Use language that the child can
understand depending on their level of comprehension, and keep it brief. Don’t lecture. Once you
explain the “why”, show the child how to close a door softly. Sell them on the benefits of doing so.
Then ask them to show you how well THEY can softly close the door by doing it for you ten times.

Children love this kind of discipline. They deeply crave to do things right and want to please
you. By taking time to teach, to discipline, you get what you want without damaging your relationship
with your child. Wouldn’t you want to be treated this way?

[tags]discipline, teach, love, children, parenting[/tags]